One of the last photos ever taken of my boy.

For the last month, this blog has been silent. Many of you might wonder why, with Bree’s pups finding homes, that I would fail to update my blog or website. The reason is simple. I was unable to write about the loss of my beloved Merlot and I refused to post anything new on the blog other than a tribute to him. A month of mourning and silence is a small thing for such an amazing friend.

I will not be going into details on what happened, there is nothing to be done. I will say that he died of a hole in his stomach, which we found by necropsy. Maybe it was a product of the medications he was on for his back, we don’t know. In any case, a hole in his stomach has left a huge hole in my life that no amount of time will be able to fill. He was special, my once in a lifetime partner and friend.

I want to tell you about this dog, what made him special to me. I have had the pleasure of being around dogs my entire life, all different breeds and mixes. Every dog is special but Merlot and I had something much more. A quote from The Art of Racing in the Rain sums up my Merlot. “I’ve always felt almost human. I’ve always known that there’s something about me that’s different than other dogs. Sure, I am stuffed into a dog’s body, but that’s just a shell. It’s what’s inside that’s important. The soul. And my soul is very human”.

 Why do some of these animals move beyond being dogs? I think intelligence is one reason. Merlot had vast stores. He wasn’t an easy dog to live with and boy was he opinionated!! He was observant and took great pains to learn human language, even if he was unable to speak with words. Merlot developed a way of communicating with me that worked extremely well. He used the “your getting warmer” method by raising his tail and giving me “yes that is what I want” indications as I would ask him questions. You could see the frustration in his eye when I would not understand his meaning. He was also able to say “no, that is not exactly what I am looking to do, but it is similar and thus I will raise my tail a little so you will keep thinking that direction”. I’ll give you a little example of how he communicated by relating a story from a few years ago.

When we lived in Colorado we had 2 horses. Twice a day we would walk down and feed the horses. Morning was not Merlot’s favorite time. He was NOT a morning dog, but he never missed going down to the barn. He adored the outdoors in almost any weather. About 2 years into living there, we fenced in a large section of yard for the dogs. This meant that most potty breaks were to be taken in the yard once it was fenced. When Merlot wanted something he would come stare, maybe give an almost inaudible whine to get my attention. Once I made eye contact he would give me a level with the back tail wag to say “Ok mom, time to start asking me questions, so I can tell you yes or no”. I started asking the obvious stuff first “do you want a drink”, “do you want dinner” and his tail dropped, body language saying NO! Then I asked “do you want to go pee” and that is when I get the first indication I am getting somewhere. He didn’t give me a full out ‘yes’ but his tail moved up above the level of his back, it gave me a slow wag and his eyes lit up. I asked again “do you want to go pee” and his tail dropped just a bit but still remained up. So I asked “do you want to go outside?” and I got a much firmer ‘yes’. As I headed to the back door his entire body drooped, tailed dropped down and he looked at me like I was stupid. That is when I grasped what he wanted. “Do you want to go out front?” Oh boy was there some happiness! The human had finally got it! I opened the door and he stepped out and turned to look at me with the “Ok, come on, if I wanted to go out by myself I wouldn’t have go to all this trouble”. I put on my shoes and he and I take a walk outside, working our way down to the horses and just enjoy a good hour outdoor. It might have been easier for him to run to the front door and run back to me in the obvious manner, but there is no way Merlot would do something so ‘dog’ like. He felt the need to communicate with me, take the time to have a conversation, stare a hole in my head until I understood what he wanted and sigh in resignation if I was to clueless to grasp his needs.

 I’ve never had a pet of any kind that was so self centered yet so insanely worried about me and my health, happiness and overall well being. If I was sick he would not leave my side. When we were living in AZ, I had a round of food poisoning that left me hugging the potty all night, Merlot was right there with me the entire time. In the morning I pull myself off the floor and moved into the living room, since I thought I could be more than 2 inches from the toilet. Merlot was exhausted. I left him sleeping there on the floor. Well, not 30 minutes had gone by and I see a panicking dog come racing out of the master bedroom, turning every directions looking for something. He sees me on the couch and jumps right up in the middle of me, planting his paws across my chest. Merlot stares at me, grasping me with his claws and it is obvious what he is saying “You scared me mom!! I woke up and you were gone!! I was afraid something terrible had happened!!” He laid down on me and wouldn’t let me move for a good hour. Yes, I believe he understood that life was fleeting.

 Worry was his middle name. If there was ever a dog at risk of bloating, it was Merlot. I did everything I could to help remove some worry from his life, probably more than most people consider normal. By the time I understood Merlot, I had laid the foundation of possibly killing him with stress. I never took Merlot to the kennel when he was a puppy, getting him use to the idea of sleeping somewhere other than his home or my family’s home. I groomed him myself. I never left him with any one other than family, and for the first 4 years of his life, rarely left him! He was my Search and Rescue dog, which means he was allow to go everywhere with me for training purposes. This seems great at first until I learned that Merlot decided if he wasn’t being taken with me, something must be wrong. So many people have placed their dogs in a kennel, only to have them die of bloat. Merlot was ok with staying with my sister Lisa, who he felt was almost as wonderful as his mommy. The issue was that it made vacations tricky. 🙂 We would have to drive all the dogs to my sisters home before leaving on any trip. Extreme? Maybe. Worth it? Absolutely!

There isn’t a dog on this planet who could over think a situation more than Merlot. During Search and Rescue practice, the trainers would often say “If he would stop thinking about the scent and just DO SOMETHING he would learn much quicker”. Sure, but that wasn’t the way Merlot was wired. He had to fully understand something before he made his choice. He was the dog who taught me that I could not tell him to “Stay” then call him to “Come”. He wasn’t refusing to come, but how can you ‘stay’ and ‘come’ at the same time!! So I added the word “Wait” to our language. Stay means do not move until I come back. But wait meant “stay in this area for me, I’ll be asking you to do something else in a minute”. This is a trait in most poodles, and I think this type of thinking is what makes them something more than most dogs.

I remember when Merlot was a young puppy. I felt he was not really bright. What I learned as he grew older is that he was not smart like other dogs. He saw a bigger picture. With his deep thinking and his grasp of empathy, he showed more layers than most other creatures. Merlot felt the pain of others. Chronic pain suffers were his favorite people. He would seek them out and simply be there for them to touch or pet.

Merlot never really trusted men. When Keith was deployed no man could set foot on our property without great risk. Later in life no man could set foot in the house or yard even with Keith present if that man was not with a women. In Merlot’s mind, if a man was with a women he was not a major threat. Things became more tricky once the twins were born. Merlot step up his already suspicious nature to the next level. I would never say he was devoted to my children, he tolerated them as something I valued. However, he took protecting them from perceived danger very seriously. When we moved to San Antonio, the twins were 6 months old. We had them laying on a blanket in the living room. A phone service guy had come in to set up our service. The house was a new construction and some of the wiring was strange. Keith and I were sitting on the couch. Merlot was laying not far from the kids. He was watching the man move through the house, he didn’t seem to be upset. His body language was relaxed but watchful. However, the service man made a mistake. He walked between me and the kids, almost stepping on the babies blanket. Merlot went from laying quiet to biting the man on the back of the thigh in an instant. Thankfully he did not break the skin of anyone he put teeth on. He made it clear that walking near those kids was not acceptable.

There was so much about this dog that made him different, I could write for days. Over the last month many people have contacted me, sending me their own stories. Many people have had a dog in their life like Merlot. That one special animal that goes beyond ‘dog’ and touches their lives in a way that is tangible and real. I was blessed by the gift of a wonderful animal who I called my friend for almost 12 years. To short by far, but I wouldn’t trade a single day. Rest my sweet beloved boy. Until we meet again!